Easy Mindfulness Tips for Beginners (and the Mistake I Made)

The short answer: start with one or two minutes a day and build up gradually. Use less effort, not more. Expect your mind to wander, and see each moment you notice and come back as the practice working, rather than failing. Sit comfortably, be kind to yourself, and don’t judge a meditation by how calm you felt afterwards. That’s most of it. The rest of this post fills in the details, including the mistake I made, so you don’t have to.

What mistake do most beginners make?

I’ll tell you mine.

When I first started meditating, I loved it. I couldn’t believe that you could change how you felt in just a minute or two, simply by sitting down and paying attention. My first week was wonderful. I could stay focused for quite long stretches, and everything felt fresh and new.

Then came the weeks afterwards.

That early focus faded, as it does for almost everyone. And I did exactly the wrong thing. I tried to get those first experiences back. I tried to meditate perfectly. I tried to be completely present. I tried to stop my thoughts.

In other words, I tried too hard.

The harder I tried, the further away that lovely feeling seemed to get.

Looking back, I would have been much better off starting gently. A minute. Then two. Three. Five. Perhaps seven, and eventually ten. And being completely okay with my mind wandering off and coming back, again and again.

So if your first week felt amazing and your third week feels like hard work, you’re not doing it wrong. You’ve simply reached the part where the real practice begins.

Why does my mind keep wandering?

Because that’s what minds do.

It isn’t a sign that mindfulness isn’t for you.

Researchers at Harvard developed an iPhone app that checked in with 2,250 people at random moments during the day. They found that people spent 46.9% of their waking hours thinking about something other than what they were actually doing (Killingsworth and Gilbert, Science, 2010).

So when you sit down to meditate, you’re meeting a mind that has had a lifetime of wandering. Of course it wanders!

The skill isn’t stopping the wandering. It’s noticing that you’ve wandered and gently coming back.

One member of the Daily Mindfulness Club nearly gave up during their first month for exactly this reason. They couldn’t get their mind to stop, so they decided meditation wasn’t for them.

In my guided meditations, I keep coming back to a few simple ideas: it’s okay for the mind to wander. You don’t need to fight it. You can make peace with it. You can learn to step back and observe your thoughts rather than getting caught up in them.

They kept listening.

Gradually, they realised that meditation was very different from what they had imagined. It isn’t about relaxing, and it isn’t about forcing your mind to become calm. It’s about making peace with what is.

The thoughts didn’t disappear. What changed was how they met them.

Is mindfulness about calming the mind?

Not really. And this surprises quite a few beginners.

Here’s a picture I often use.

Think about the waves on the ocean. Your mind is a little like those waves. Some days it’s choppy. Other days it’s calm. But you wouldn’t go down to the sea and try to iron the waves flat.

If you tried to pat the waves down, you’d only make more waves.

Meditation is a bit like that. You notice the waves and let them be there.

And over time, you may discover that underneath the surface there’s a depth of peace that was there all along.

Calm often appears as a side effect of meditation. But if you make calm the goal, you can spend the whole meditation checking to see whether you’ve become calm yet.

And that checking is just another wave.

What is mindfulness?

Mindfulness is the practice of bringing a conscious, present-moment awareness to our experience.

Most of the time, our minds wander unconsciously into thoughts about the past or the future. Through practising mindfulness, we gradually discover how to be more present with what’s happening here and now.

Mindfulness also involves certain attitudes: being kind to yourself, being curious about your experience, and allowing whatever is happening to be here.

Mindfulness is wonderful, but in some ways it’s only the beginning.

It’s important to cultivate mindfulness alongside kindness and compassion, for yourself and for others.

This is what I call kindfulness.

If you’d like to explore this more deeply, I explain it step by step in my book Mindfulness For Dummies.

How do I start a mindfulness meditation practice?

Mindfulness is most powerfully developed through mindfulness meditation. This is when you stop for a while and simply practise being present.

I like to meditate every morning, but there’s no single right time. Practise whenever works for you.

Here’s a simple meditation you can try:

1. Sit or lie down. Make yourself as comfortable as you can.
2. Take a few deeper breaths and notice whether your body relaxes a little.
3. Spend a minute or so noticing what your body feels like. Adjust your posture if you need to become more comfortable.
4. Let your breathing be natural. Count ten breaths. If you lose count, simply start again.
5. When you notice that your mind has wandered into other thoughts, just smile. That moment of noticing means you’re already back.
6. When you’re ready, gently finish the practice. Have a little stretch and notice how you feel.

How long? Start with one or two minutes. Then gradually build up: three minutes, five, seven, ten.

There’s no prize for meditating for a long time when you’re just getting started.

If you’d like more guidance about how long to meditate, I’ve written a whole post on how long you should meditate.

What’s the secret to meditation for beginners?

There are two, really.

1. Don’t try to get anything out of it. It sounds a little strange, I know. But the more you want to feel relaxed or peaceful, the more pressure you can put on yourself. Let the experience be as it is. The Beatles knew what they were singing about.

   And try not to judge a meditation by whether you felt better or worse afterwards. You’re not trying to manufacture a particular experience. You’re simply practising.

2. Be incredibly kind to your body and mind. Let your body be comfortable and cosy. And be completely forgiving each time your mind wanders off. In fact, let it wander if it wants to. Then smile and welcome it back when you notice.

   It always will.

What if I can’t stop thinking?

If you can’t control your thoughts, don’t try to.

Stop trying to control them. Let your mind wander and simply observe what happens.

We all have a tendency to try to control our minds. Sometimes that’s useful. But when we’re meditating, the struggle to control our thoughts can become the very thing that makes the practice difficult.

If you’d still like a technique, try counting your breaths or using a simple phrase.

As you breathe in, silently say “peace”.

As you breathe out, silently say “let go”.

Once your mind settles, you can drop the words and simply be with your breathing.

There’s more on this in my post on how to stop thinking.

What if I don’t have time?

Start with one minute a day.

Breathe in and out, and really feel each breath.

That’s a proper mindfulness practice. It isn’t a second-rate version.

A minute you actually do is far more useful than twenty minutes you keep putting off.

What if I can’t concentrate?

Mindfulness isn’t the same as concentration.

It’s not about trying really hard to keep your attention in one place. It’s also about learning to let go.

At first, your mind may seem to go wild.

That’s okay.

Have a little courage and trust the process. Every day will be different. Some days will feel easier than others.

That’s completely normal. It doesn’t mean the practice has stopped working.

Easy ways to be mindful every day

You don’t need to sit on a cushion to practise mindfulness.

You can practise in almost any moment of your day.

Here are a few ideas.

At home

Repetitive physical activities can be wonderful opportunities for mindfulness.

When you’re washing the dishes, notice the temperature of the water, the colour of the bubbles and any sensations or tension in your body.

When you have a cup of tea (as we often do here in the UK), notice the colour of the tea, the weight of the cup and the pleasure of the taste.

Hmmm.

At work

Notice your feet on the floor as you walk from one room to another.

Become aware of your posture and the sensations in your body as you sit down and stand up.

You could also take a few moments to pause and breathe at the end of one task and before beginning the next.

A tiny pause can make quite a difference.

In your relationships

When your partner, friend or colleague is speaking, practise listening without judging.

There’s no need to plan what you’re going to say next.

Just listen.

Listen as deeply as you can.

Ask a follow-up question rather than immediately sharing your own idea. Be present to their words, their body language and their tone of voice.

You may be surprised by how much more you notice when you’re really listening.

When you’re travelling

If you’re driving, spend less time looking at your phone or listening to the radio, and more time being present to the journey.

When you’re stuck in traffic, notice the sky, the clouds and the rain.

On an open road, pay attention to the road ahead and check in with your body from time to time.

If you’re on a train or bus, notice what’s around you.

Look out of the window. Notice the trees, birds, sky and people.

Notice the people inside the train or bus too. See if you can let go of your usual judgements for a moment and become curious instead.

Three more tips for success

Smile

This is one of my favourite tips.

Most people take mindfulness far too seriously.

A small, gentle smile while you practise can make a surprising difference. You know that subtle smile you sometimes see on Buddha statues?

Give it a try.

You don’t need to grin like you’ve just won the lottery. Just soften your face a little.

Sit comfortably

You’re much more likely to come back to something you enjoy.

So make yourself comfortable.

Use a cushion, a chair, a blanket, whatever helps.

Being overly rigid or harsh with yourself can turn meditation into a chore. And chores are usually the first things to disappear when life gets busy.

Let go of wanting

Wanting, desiring and craving can all pull us away from the present moment.

They quietly tell us, this moment isn’t good enough. Something else would be better.

But this moment is already here.

See if you can allow it to be just as it is.

With a little acceptance and perhaps a gentle smile, your natural mindfulness can begin to flourish.

In a nutshell

Mindfulness is about being present with your moment-to-moment experience, with kindness, curiosity and acceptance.

Start small.

Use less effort.

Don’t chase the feeling you had during your first week.

Your mind will wander. That’s what minds do.

And every time you notice and kindly come back, you’re practising.

If you’d like some company while you build the habit, I sit with the Daily Mindfulness Club every weekday morning at 7.30am UK time, live.

The guided meditations keep coming back to the same simple reminder: it’s okay to wander.

It’s 7 days free to try.