Chapter 3: Getting Flexible

ACT can be as simple or as complex as you wish it to be. At its simplest, ACT is about living a meaningful life. How? By focusing on improving just one thing – your psychological flexibility.

Psychological flexibility is your ability to flexibly and fluidly move towards what’s most important for you in your life, while mindfully managing your inner experiences.

Think of your life as being made of helpful and unhelpful actions.

Helpful actions are actions you take to move you towards a more meaningful life. For example, maybe you want to make a difference by educating others and becoming a teacher. A helpful move would be to go for an interview. Helpful moves can bring up uncomfortable thoughts or emotions that you may have been avoiding in the short term. But in the long term, helpful moves help create a more meaningful and enjoyable life.

Unhelpful moves include utilising strategies to avoid difficult thoughts and emotions, such as excessive drinking to avoid feeling sad, taking drugs to avoid boredom or procrastinating by watching TV instead of applying for fulfilling jobs. ACT encourages you to explore if your unhelpful moves are the right choice for you right now, or not. Sometimes they can be – for example, you may need to take a break or give yourself a treat. And if not, the ACT exercises in Part 2 will help you to make more helpful moves towards a life of greater purpose and fulfillment.

The Annoying Colleague

Imagine you have a fantastic job. You really get on with all your fellow colleagues. You’ve worked with each other for a while and have great fun working together.

Then, a new staff member joins the team. They are really annoying! You didn’t hire him, and so you immediately move desks to stay away from them. 

But he ends up moving closer to you. So you try moving again. But you can still hear his loud voice and annoying laugh. You try wearing headphones and put the music on, but you can still sense him nearby and can even smell him - he’s not very hygienic! You can’t focus on your work. Others ask if you’re okay. You say you’re fine. But you’re not.

Eventually, you realise you’re not enjoying work at all. So you decide to try something radically different and brave. You stop trying to avoid your annoying colleague. At first, this is even more annoying. He’s smelly, he’s dressed badly and he just says horrible stuff. But you decide to be open and not judge him so much. You ask him questions with curiosity. You listen to him and realise he has some good points. He’s not all bad. You treat him kindly, even though he’s rude to you at first. You also keep talking to your other colleagues too. After some time, you start to really enjoy your work again.

His hours are irregular. Sometimes he shows up to work and sometimes he doesn’t. You don’t waste your energy trying to avoid him as you know he’ll come and go. You accept him and treat him kindly, like everyone else. He’s no longer an issue for you – he’s just another colleague, and having him there gives you a nice challenge to keep you on your toes.

It feels meaningful to be able to welcome everyone into your workplace, even those who you don’t like at first.

 Your annoying colleague represents your tricky thoughts and feelings. By accepting your colleague, you’re being flexible. You’re not rigidly sticking to your negative attitude of him. Rather than wasting energy avoiding him, you and are refocusing on what matters most to you, which is getting on with your work and enjoying the company of all your colleagues.

(c) 2021 Shamash Alidina

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